Love makes us vulnerable. Even in our most intimate relationships, we tend to hold some part of ourselves in close to avoid being hurt. We love conditionally — usually, on the condition of being loved — even when we think we’re giving our whole selves.
But with a child, with Baby, I expect the flood gates to open. I already love Baby so much, and we haven’t even met yet. I love Baby just because Baby is Baby. And the unqualified nature of that love opens me to all the vulnerability of love.
It’s scary — more scary than the day-to-day changes that will be coming to my life soon (and those are intimidating enough). The day-to-day changes will affect the outer shape of my life. They will bring me stress and bring me joy. But they won’t, fundamentally, be a threat to my innermost being. But loving this little person with my whole heart? That touches my sense of self more deeply than even the other loves in my life.
But I believe it will be a change for the better, that it will be a change that makes my life richer and open me up to love more deeply all the time. At least, I sure hope so, because this love is happening, whatever the consequences.