Originally published on Medium on April 20, 2018.
I considered making this a part of my G+ post wishing peace upon Barbara Bush after her death, but it was not appropriate there.
Why do I think it is important to respectfully acknowledge the passing of those who do not generally share my political beliefs? There are two aspects. I believe that respect for each other as human beings means that we mourn each others’ losses, no matter our differences in life. We small beings do not have the capacity to mourn each and every death, but we do have the capacity to mourn each one that touches us, even in a small way.
The other is that I have respect for the office of the President and, by extension and given what we expect of their partners, for those partners. Thus, I think it is important to acknowledge the passing of those who have dedicated a portion of their life (and often a disproportionate amount of their well being) to my country.
That said, I will admit that the current president pushes my abilities on this front. I disagreed with Barbara Bush’s son (George W, of course) as much as I do with Trump. Probably more because Bush, unlike Trump, had coherent positions and beliefs. Yet I referred to him respectfully when discussing his policies. By the time I get down to written words, I mostly refer to Trump respectfully, but unlike with Bush, it is editing at the keyboard rather than an ability to separate a respect for the office from disagreement with the positions and policies of the one holding that office.
Is that just me responding to the hyperpolarized political climate we live in? Maybe. But despite our inability to assess our own motivations, if I were to offer my own explanation, it would be that it is hard to separate respect for the office from respect for the person when he himself makes mockery of his office and the structure of the US government, when there is a reasonable basis of suspicion of corruption of a type that undermines US democracy. Yet even given that, I still try to limit my criticism to substantial disagreements with Trump’s actual policies and actions rather than making the criticism personal (outside of this post 😉).
Our ability to see others as human, especially the people we disagree with, is what makes it possible for us to live together. Even when it is hard. Especially when it’s hard.
(There’s a separate question of why an atheist thinks “rest in peace” is an appropriate way to express respect after a death. In short, talking about death is hard and stock phrases are often the best we have. When talking to someone who survived the deceased, I use “My condolences” but that doesn’t work well for undirected expressions like this was.)